As I made the transition into motherhood, I exited the married, non-mom realm and stepped into what has been one of the toughest, yet greatest blessing of my life. Many friends, who are still on the other side, have asked about the transition and my feelings so far.
My thoughts fly in and out of my head so quickly. Its hard to catch just one and focus on it for more than a few seconds, but over the course of the past 4 months I have collected a few thoughts on motherhood that I wanted to share.
There are days when the diaper pail is full, naps are rejected, and sleep is deprived. Sometimes I don't even get to brush my teeth before her first feeding. My back aches from the lifting and rocking. Pregnancy took a toll on my body. I don't really like to look at it in the mirror anymore. I feel overwhelmed by the task. I feel the constant striving of trying to catch up, but I often end up feeling more like a gerbil on a wheel. Showering is a luxury and on a good day I have enough time to shave my legs while I'm in there.
I approach myself with mixed emotion. I love that I gave birth to a human being. I feel empowered by the realization of what my body is capable of doing. At the same time, I miss my old self and the energy that I used to have.
But don't feel sorry for me. Every time she laughs and every time she smiles, I am transported to the most fulfilling feeling I have ever had in my life. It lights up my heart. It makes me want to get up at 4:30 just to hold her and kiss her face.
I recall one night in particular. I was laying in bed, with Olive in the co-sleeper. I curled up next to her and started to pray. As I did, I began to weep. I have never felt more thankful to God in my entire life for the amazing blessing of getting to raise and nurture another human being. I get to be the mother of this amazing bundle of inexhaustible joy. I get to see every step, every tear, every smile, and see her reach every milestone. I get to help her pick out her prom dress. I get to zip up her wedding gown. I'll watch her play with my make-up and grow up into a beautiful woman.
I love getting her up in the morning. Oftentimes, I get the first smile and I adore lifting her up and seeing her baby stretch to welcome the day. Even now, I am watching her take a nap in her swing and I take pleasure in seeing the peace that she is experiencing.
When it comes to being a mom, there is no glamour, but there is happiness, and this kind of happiness is priceless.
Those are my thoughts so far.